God has the perfect plan and sometimes it's hard to understand what He's doing and why He is taking you to the places you are at. At times it's hard to see Him where you are and it's hard to keep hearing No time after time again. I am looking back to last year and I am overwhelmed with feelings. I realize that I lost a year of my life doing things that was not in God's planing for me. He took my life and turned me around and gave me the best experience I could have ever asked for and welcomed in new relationships. I realize that God has brought me here to college but it's not my dream anymore. God has been showing up and blocking certain aspects of my life and shows me down another road that I don't want to go down.
I look now and just reflect on what's going on. I have been through so much in my 19 years and now that I am heading into almost ending the second year of college I can't help but think and believe that God is guiding me somewhere else that's away from here. It's scary and the journey is not fun to travel. I have been getting fears about the path that I am on and God's telling me to take another path. It's a path that I dream of going down but not sure I am ready to embark on this journey that He is trying to get me to go on. It's scary but the calling has been there since I started this journey into college. God is asking me to go and I feel like this is the YES I have been waiting for but I am fighting Him on this. It's my dream to do what He wants me to do but I don't see how it could be done.
The journey and path that He is calling me to is one that would be full of many sacrifices and relationships lost. It would be one of leaving the familiar and becoming helpless and having to fully believe and trust in God to provide and get me through.
I look around and see all the memoriez that have been made here and all the relationships that have begun but I also see that God has been prepairing me and triaing me and I can't help but feel that the end is close and that He wants me to leave all behind and that the traing is done for now. he wants me to go but I don't see how that is possible. He has trained me and now He is ready for me to go and use what I have learned. I don't know where things are going to take me and I don't know if I am going to follow Hiim on this. As much as I want to do this, my thoughts are saying other wise and saying I can't. But, what happened to stop saying I can't and saying I can do ALL things through Him who strenghtens me??
"Needs to stop saying NO WAY to God and start saying YES!! Needs to stop saying I CAN'T and start saying GOD CAN!! Needs to stop saying I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH and start saying I CAN DO ANYTHING THROUGH HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME!! Needs to stop saying IT'S IMPOSSIBLE and start saying WITH GOD EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!! Needs to stop focusing on MY WEAKNESSES and start focusing on GOD'S POWER!!!"
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